A minor edit...

to my last post. I feel there may have been some confusion in something I said, from the comments received from C and an email I received from the other C.

1. The promise I made to myself about dating actually went more like thus: "I promise that I am going to try to start dating again. No matter what." The missing word was try. Sounds pretty minimal, but think about it, it's HUGE. I am a catch. For someone. I don't know who this woman might be, but she's out there, in that big thicket of fish. NOTE: I don't like the old saying "there are plenty of fish in the sea." Yes, there are. Too freaking many, thank you very much. It could take me to the end of time to sift through ALL of those opportunities. END OF NOTE. And that's where the word "try" comes in. I'm going to get plenty of "NO" answers before this is done, I understand that. That bothers me, but not horribly. If she's not into me, well, guess what, she's not into me. On to the next. But anyhow, that was the promise made, and I haven't tried, and that's why I'm pissed. I haven't allowed myself the time to focus on it. I think you can see from my collection of posts what I have been filling my time with to try to avoid the "try". Computers are easy. Dating is hard.

2. I was not upset by the "shitload of grief" I got this weekend. In fact, I took it as I think it was intended (jeez, I hope it was intended this way :) ). I felt like it was a bunch of really good people trying to look out for me. It made me feel kind of special, important. Which I usually aim myself away from, but I admit, it felt pretty darn good this weekend (WARNING: I get sudden and dramatic mood shifts and swings!!! So don't count on me being friendly about this next time, SORRY!!! in advance. :( No, really, ask C or C or R or T or T or D. The swings can be really ugly sometimes, but I've been better at controlling them as I get older).

NOW ONTO MY REGULARLY SCHEDULED POST:

I mowed the lawn tonight. I like mowing the lawn. It gives me time to just walk, no thinking allowed (the mower is too darn loud to concentrate anyway). It's odd, it's almost spiritual...round and round, no thinking, just walking. The brain wanders to whereever it would like to go. It's kind of like showering in the morning. You do it so many times, that your mind just wanders off because you really don't need to expend a lot of energy thinking about what you are doing. I joke that some of my best ideas come when I'm doing something like that, allowing the mind to just go and not focusing on it. And sometimes it's just brain thoughts firing off, almost like in a waking dream. Tonight was just relaxing, I feel refreshed, and naturally tired for the first time in a while...off to bed.