I wish they would stop doing that...

I again must make a statement about people writing my thoughts. Most specifically, the same gosh darn friend did it to me again.

They posted a couple of days ago about webs. About how they used to feel that needing people was a weakness.

Damn it, knock it off! Getting continually kicked in the head get's a bit frustrating, even though it's probably a very good way to get my attention.

I'm still in the process of realization here, that there is more to this life than my "simplification" plan (I have been on a binge of simplification these last few years - if you make your life small enough, it is much simpler). Well, having it be so freaking simple is a blessing and a curse. Simple means more "me" time. Simple also means more "me" time...get the problem? I need to find my balance point, my center, and I don't believe that anyone's center truly lands inside of them, it's a fulcrum outside of you, that helps you to balance the you with the rest of the world. In a see saw battle, mine is still placed far from me and the lever arm on my side is VERY long (the "me" is still easily the most important), but I'm working on it.

Maybe some of my few friend's wisdom will finally rub off on me...and maybe one day, I'll get to understanding my life better than I do now.

The date is set...

Today, I went and talked with the financial people.

I will be closing on my new home on April 11, 2007.

I am planning on an April 13 move date, but am a touch superstitious at this point and maybe a 16th move date might work better with my weird avoidance bone.

Super cool! I think a house warming party will have to be held off until at least May, just to give me a chance to kind of get settled in, so on, so forth.

Home, anyone?

Well, I've done it (mostly). I made an offer to buy a home on Monday. Word came back today "Yes, we accept your offer. It is dependent upon you getting financing, so get to it, but yes, we will allow you to purchase this house for the price we agreed to."

Excited, scared, lost, found, all balled up into one knot right at the pit of my stomach. I don't have time to vomit right now, so I'll save it for later, maybe after I sign my mortgage...

Friday I go to talk with a couple of bankers - one from the place I'm buying the house from and another fairly well known bank (symbol: Stagecoach). With the offer being made by the company I'm buying the house from, I'll most likely borrow from them (let's see here - they'll buy 3/4 of a point for me and they are handing me $2000 to take care of my lease - by the end of the 30 year mortgage, that will equate to about $34000 plus interest on the savings of $80-90 per month on the loan --pretty hard to argue with that kind of financing).

When all goes well (yes, I have done enough research to say that I am probably one of the better prepared customers for a new house out there), I will close on the house in early April...so for those few readers I have, I expect to have some close friends and family over sometime in late April for a little house warming get together (yes, I am inviting you to my humble abode, something I don't do often).

Holy SH*T, BATMAN!

I'm scared absolutely shitless about now.

Here it is, January, 2007. And me, little old Zeke, is going to make an offer to purchase a home...WTF am I doing!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

And I haven't even actually signed a contract yet...HOLY SHIT! How the fuck am I going to react when the time comes for that? Hell, I can barely sleep now, how am going to sleep then?

I've avoided any serious commitments for a long, long time. Because mostly, they've just let me down. Now I'm talking about locking up a large portion of my income into a home for the next 30 years (and from what I can tell, the rest of my life!).

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Totally freaking out right now!!!!!

Must try to sleep (first, BREATHE!!!!, then RELAX!!!!, then slllleeeeeepppppp....zzzzzz).

Maybe I'll get lucky and somebody else will have already offered on it and I won't have to go through with it (even though I really, really want it - OMG it's like LOVE!!!! HA HA!!!).

A revelation today

I was reading a friend's blog today. I have always enjoyed their blog. Many days it brings me a smile, sometimes almost makes me cry (actually has made me cry), and most definitely has made my blood boil (not in anger at the person writing, but the things they have pointed out).

Today, their blog was about their morning prayers. It was like a boot to the chest (again, actually). How can this person write my words like that? I don't mean to say that those are my actual words, but those are how I feel often times, especially in a group of people (especially the part about the heart beating like me, like me, like me, like me).I think that may be why I enjoy their blog so much, they write what I feel sometimes, and that feels good that the words that I'm feeling are written somewhere.

Is this why I like to read blogs? Maybe, I don't know. I think it does me a lot of good to know that I'm not really as alone as I think I am some days. It helps that someone out there is similar enough to me, yet unselfish enough to put their feelings out there for the world to see.

Thanks people, it means more than I'll ever say to you in person.